This is my place to confess, write, and sketch. I'm just trying to survive.
Feel free to message me.
I don’t want to feel broken… I just need a hug… or something.. I don’t even know what I need..
My birthday is coming up, and it feels like my life is crashing down.
I don’t really know what’s wrong, I guess my depression is just acting up, I don’t know.
I also just miss having somebody around to cuddle and tell me they love me, and I miss telling someone I love them. I can’t remember the last time I did.
I feel pretty stupid right now. I’m just sitting here and listening to music, complaining. So silly of me.
What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t even know. Maybe I’m lonely, maybe I’m just being stupid. I don’t know.
I want to say “Help me.” But how do I ask when I don’t even know, and besides, no one can really fix anything for me. I have to figure it out. Somehow…
Good luck self, you’re going to need it.
I feel like crying and I’m not really sure why.
All I could hear was the grass swaying in the wind, the quiet sound was comforting. I was in a field in the middle of some forest, I wasn’t precisely sure where, I came out here because I needed to think.
I was trying not to focus on past memories, I was tired of hurting. But as I lay there, watching the sky change colors, I couldn’t help but hurt.
Thinking about you hurt, and I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about you, and everything seemed to remind me of you.
A movie we’d watched together, a song we’d listened to, the paths we’d walked. I couldn’t avoid them, and I sometimes felt myself seeking them out.
I wanted to remember you, but I didn’t want to miss you.
I missed feeling your skin brush up against mine as you pressed me up against the hall outside our apartment, whispering how much you’d missed me that day, and how much you wanted me.
Those thoughts were usually the ones that would overwhelm me, the tightening in my chest would begin, and breathing was hard.
Now was one of those times, my breathing tore its way through my throat as I tried to keep from sobbing. How pathetic I felt, lying in the middle of a grass field surrounded by trees, but at least no one was around.
But maybe that made it worse. No one was here to comfort me, to tell me it would be okay. I was alone.
I didn’t have anyone to wrap their arms around me, so I would feel safe momentarily.
It was just the grass dancing in the wind, the trees beyond and myself. A sob that was part laugh choked its way out and I rolled onto my hands and knees, as the sobs took over.
My body convulsed and I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, they flowed freely and I hated this moment of weakness. My throat was on fire and the cursed wail I hated so much escaped me.
I pulled my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth as I cried away your memory, because I couldn’t hold onto you forever.
I wish you hadn’t left.
My wrist hurts. So I can’t really use a mouse so I can’t play games, and it pretty much hurts to do anything really.
No idea why.
My head is in a kind of shitty place right now. I feel like something isn’t right, slightly on edge. But at the same time empty.
I could use some cuddles, or something. I don’t know. I just know that I’m on the verge of tears.
I’m tired of feeling broken, I need to get some super glue or some shit.
I’m not fucking perfect. And no, I don’t have to throw up rainbows and sunshine all the fucking time.
You don’t like talking to me when I’m like this?
Well guess what?
I don’t give a shit. You only don’t like it, because I’m not being the super nice, sweet person that you’re used to.
I shouldn’t have to be afraid of speaking what’s on my mind, or what I fucking see. You don’t like it? Well too fucking bad.
I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of pretending that I’m fine all the time. I’m not, and you know what, when you ask when I’m upset, and I try to tell you… then you get annoyed and all “don’t be mad at me, ffs.”
I’ll be fucking mad at you, if I want, usually I just come across sharper than the fucking dandelion you’re used to. If you can’t handle that, then what the fuck is wrong with you?
I can’t be happy all the fucking time, I can be mad. I AM fucking mad.
Basically, I hate everything right now, and I’m trying not to cry from being so fucking pissed off.
My mom and I were in the car and she was driving, and we were somewhere near a college or something, driving through the lot. And she went off the road and almost hit these people, so we got out and apologized and then I was having to drive so I was trying to get us out of the tiny space shed gotten us in. And I was backing up and ten suddenly there was another truck parked behind us and I backed up into it. So I pulled forward and got out and I had damaged the back bumped of their car some. It was the same people who my mom had almost hit. And the guy came over and was all annoyed and started arguing. Then all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my mouth and one of my teeth was lose and came out and my mouth was bleeding and I started crying, and telling my mother we needed to get some milk but she was talking to some police guy and laughing. And more of my teeth fell out and blood was everywhere and no one gave a shit. And that’s when I woke up and freaked out.